Ok boys and girls it's time to put away your textbooks. Get out your number two pencils and a scantron, it's time for a pop quiz. Below are twelve question to test your knowledge of your beloved blogger. Please do not cheat off your neighbor and mark your answers clearly. When you have finished you may submit your answers to the proctor for your grade. Best of luck!
Part One: Multiple Choice
1. If trapped on a desert island Justin would want which of the following?
A) Matches and lighter fluid to start a fire with.
B) The complete Twilight series so he would have toilet paper.
C) The Chuck Norris Total Gym so he could get that beach body he always wanted.
D) A portable DVD player and the West Wing complete series.
2. Knowing Justin as well as you do which of the following choices do not belong.
A) Male pattern baldness
B) Ten extra pounds
C) The speed of a dinosaur
D) The ability to run like a dinosaur
3. Justin is Team:
A) Edward
B) Jacob
C) Cusack
4. Justin enjoys which of the following sweets:
A) Dairy Queen Blizzards
B) Peanut butter M&M's
C) Almond Joys
D) Junior Mints
E) A-D and also letter F-Z
5. Which of the following did Justin think was an opportunity missed by the show Lost?
A) Casting Ric Saucedo as the overprotective, slightly uptight, sleeveless shirt wearing leader of the castaways, Jack
B) Replacing Michael with Matt Waite and have him running around the island looking for missing Walt while yelling his name (Wwwwwaaaalllllttttt!!!!!), with the "lostian" twist coming at the end where you find out Walt isn't a person but actually what Matt calls his car keys.
C) Having the smoke monster be played by Lubbock's jeep.
D) Casting Justin as the character Sawyer. While he might not be believable as a good looking con artist with the body of an Adonis and would probably ruin the show, it would allow him to make out with Elizabeth Mitchell a lot.
Part Two: Fill in the Blank
6. Justin most heroically hurt his knee________.
A) Saving a child from a burning building
B) in the semi-finals of So You Think You Can Dance while dancing to "Amadeus" by Falco
C) playing Frisbee golf
D) playing a twelve hour game of Twister with circus people.
7. Justin's _______ is very important to him.
A) Family
B) Friends
C) Integrity
D) Fantasy Football record
Part Three: True/False
8. Braveheart is clearly better than Gladiator.
9. Justin wakes up every Sunday morning excited that it's football day, then get depressed by the end of the day because his favorite team the cowboys, have no heart, too much ego, and for the most part suck mightily.
Part Four: Short Answer This is your turn to be witty and make fun of Justin if you choose. Please Submit your answers to proctor, many answers may apply.
10. Justin is to ______, as peanut butter is to jelly.
11. What are three words that describe Justin best.
12. You might be a Justin Berner if: (this is your best Jeff Foxworthy style joke)
Extra Credit
To make up for any harsh comments in the last section you may write, in four sentences or less, why you enjoy Justin.
YOUR DONE!
Monday, September 20, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
10 Things I Love About Football
10. Getting yelled at by Melissa for being a Cowboys fan. This barely beat out phone calls with Kris Snyder after Cowboy loses. Listen, sometimes in life we make decisions when we're young and don't realize the implications that will have later on in life. Friends are suppose to be there for you no matter what, not continually remind you of mistakes. You don't see me yelling at melissa for marrying matt.
9. It gives me a reason to be lazy on sunday. Golf is boring, NASCAR sucks, and I can't tell people I'm watching ice skating. Football is a great thing to say to the question, what did you do yesterday. It's code for, I'm lazy, broke, or really didn't do anything exciting and am embarassed just to say that. Thirty minutes of sports center and your alibi stands up. What women don't know is that when guys get to together to watch football, we actually get together, open a bottle of wine, and talk about our feelings. (Said the liar)
8. Pointless arguments and conversations about nothing. There is nothing better than talking to your friends and getting into a heated discussion about which team is better, why Shane Falco is better than Johnny Utah, or why your team is going to win. None of us really know what we're talking about. We don't have any influence over the people we are discussing. And 60% of what we believe comes from what we heard from somewhere else. (For the those wondering the other 40% is pure BS)
7. Tim Tebow. The anti-football player. Most players get in the news for the stuff they do wrong. For once someone is overexposed for being good. I can't get enough of him. It's very rare that you can root for someone who you can believe in on and off the field. People wonder why his jersey is the best selling jersey even before playing a down, it's because you won't have burn it or feel ashamed for wearing two years from now. I'm a Cowboys fan, but I'll root for Tebow just as much.
6. Those few amazing plays. It doesn't happen often and when it does, you see it a thousand times, but sometimes amazing athletes do something that makes your mouth drop. Those are things that are most fun to talk about, to email youtube clips of, and remember for a long time.
5. Football means cooler weather. There is truly nothing better than curling up under a blanket and watching some football on a cold day. Football is the start of fall to me. That means windows open, long sleeve t-shirts, and for those of us with car a.c. problems, a chance to not sweat every freakin time you get in the car. After four months of ridiculous heat, I can't explain how excited I am for that first cool front. I'm like a fat kid on halloween getting into my slightly too small costume.
4. Closer to basketball season. Listen, I like football alot. Football is fun, easy to follow since it's one a day a week mainly, but basketball is always my love. It's the game I enjoy playing the most, know the most about, and get most excited while watching. The violence and life and death mentality in football is something I can't get my head around. It's hard to root for guys to pummel someone else knowing that more than likely neither one will be functioning normally in fifteen year.
3. Madden NFL Football. Probably the greatest video game created. I won't nerd out on you and explain all the reasons I like, just know this: my digital football players will crush your digital football players any digital day of the digital week.
2. The Dallas Cowboys. America's team. God put a hole in the roof so he could watch his favorite team play. Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Roger Stauback. For as much torture as the Cowboys have put me through the last fifteen or so years, I can't quit them. I don't like 99% of Cowboy fans, I think the owner is sleezy, and they think they are entitled to greatness. But still, I love the swagger, I think they are the Texas, and so what if I don't like who likes them, they belong to me.
1. Fantasy Football. Truly the best thing that ever happened to football. Now every game matters because some yahoo has the Raiders tight end playing for their fantasy team. It builds interest in the league as a whole, not just a specific team. Also, I like it because I usually win money from people I know. Nothing better than taking money away from people you love, as they say. If not for fantasy football, I probably would only watch about six hours of football a week instead of twelve.
9. It gives me a reason to be lazy on sunday. Golf is boring, NASCAR sucks, and I can't tell people I'm watching ice skating. Football is a great thing to say to the question, what did you do yesterday. It's code for, I'm lazy, broke, or really didn't do anything exciting and am embarassed just to say that. Thirty minutes of sports center and your alibi stands up. What women don't know is that when guys get to together to watch football, we actually get together, open a bottle of wine, and talk about our feelings. (Said the liar)
8. Pointless arguments and conversations about nothing. There is nothing better than talking to your friends and getting into a heated discussion about which team is better, why Shane Falco is better than Johnny Utah, or why your team is going to win. None of us really know what we're talking about. We don't have any influence over the people we are discussing. And 60% of what we believe comes from what we heard from somewhere else. (For the those wondering the other 40% is pure BS)
7. Tim Tebow. The anti-football player. Most players get in the news for the stuff they do wrong. For once someone is overexposed for being good. I can't get enough of him. It's very rare that you can root for someone who you can believe in on and off the field. People wonder why his jersey is the best selling jersey even before playing a down, it's because you won't have burn it or feel ashamed for wearing two years from now. I'm a Cowboys fan, but I'll root for Tebow just as much.
6. Those few amazing plays. It doesn't happen often and when it does, you see it a thousand times, but sometimes amazing athletes do something that makes your mouth drop. Those are things that are most fun to talk about, to email youtube clips of, and remember for a long time.
5. Football means cooler weather. There is truly nothing better than curling up under a blanket and watching some football on a cold day. Football is the start of fall to me. That means windows open, long sleeve t-shirts, and for those of us with car a.c. problems, a chance to not sweat every freakin time you get in the car. After four months of ridiculous heat, I can't explain how excited I am for that first cool front. I'm like a fat kid on halloween getting into my slightly too small costume.
4. Closer to basketball season. Listen, I like football alot. Football is fun, easy to follow since it's one a day a week mainly, but basketball is always my love. It's the game I enjoy playing the most, know the most about, and get most excited while watching. The violence and life and death mentality in football is something I can't get my head around. It's hard to root for guys to pummel someone else knowing that more than likely neither one will be functioning normally in fifteen year.
3. Madden NFL Football. Probably the greatest video game created. I won't nerd out on you and explain all the reasons I like, just know this: my digital football players will crush your digital football players any digital day of the digital week.
2. The Dallas Cowboys. America's team. God put a hole in the roof so he could watch his favorite team play. Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Roger Stauback. For as much torture as the Cowboys have put me through the last fifteen or so years, I can't quit them. I don't like 99% of Cowboy fans, I think the owner is sleezy, and they think they are entitled to greatness. But still, I love the swagger, I think they are the Texas, and so what if I don't like who likes them, they belong to me.
1. Fantasy Football. Truly the best thing that ever happened to football. Now every game matters because some yahoo has the Raiders tight end playing for their fantasy team. It builds interest in the league as a whole, not just a specific team. Also, I like it because I usually win money from people I know. Nothing better than taking money away from people you love, as they say. If not for fantasy football, I probably would only watch about six hours of football a week instead of twelve.
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